I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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