you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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