I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
