So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
