I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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