12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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