Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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