It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
