JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was like eating out sand paper
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
