I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
