getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
