I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
