Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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