I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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