first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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