i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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