dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
