i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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