Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
