I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
