wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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