It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
