He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize