No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
