i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
