I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
