So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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