pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
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She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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