i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he fucked my hip out of place.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
