imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
