i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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