i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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