I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
