I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
