How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
