i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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