someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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