And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
