on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
