new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My life is pants optional.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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