I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
