hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
