Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
