Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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