Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
