I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
