So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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