Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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