Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
