Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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