No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
