I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
