my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
only if we run a train.
done.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
