also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
