i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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