I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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