I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
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This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
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Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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