She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
