The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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