Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
