from now on my penis is your penis
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
