I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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