i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
