I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
