in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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