It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
