Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
