either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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