where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
