Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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