I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
