My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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