your room smells of hookers.
And success
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
