i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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