if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
