I cannot find my penis.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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